I like to give things names. Sometimes it makes things easier to talk about. Sometimes it makes things funnier to talk about. Like for instance
(MAJOR OVERSHARE ALERT)
my husband and I call sex ‘sandwiches.’ As in, “hey, want to put the kids to bed, have a late supper and make some sandwiches?” Hilarious, right?
I decided that my depression needs a name too. My depression will from now on be known as Karl. And the time during which I was at my worst will be called Karl’s Terrible Visit.
Karl’s Terrible Visit has come to an end.
I’m still waiting close to the door, hoping Karl doesn’t poke his head back in because he forgot his wallet on the dresser, and could he perhaps have one more cup of coffee? But I think that even if he tried to pull a fast one on me, I’d be able to show him to the curb.
So long and good riddance, Karl. Looking forward to seeing you never again.
(I know that’s probably not likely. Karl and I, we go way back.)
Regardless, I can throw open the windows, let in the sunshine, change the sheets in the spare room where Karl took up residence for the past seven months and look forward to running my own home again.
Thank you, husband who called my doctor when I couldn’t. Thank you, Kid 1 and Kid 2, for being awesome and worth living for. Thank you, friends and family who didn’t give up on me even when I became a terrible, selfish, useless person. Thank you, pharmaceuticals, for helping my brain be just normal enough.
Thank you, me, for always believing I’d make it through somehow.
Onward to bigger and brighter things!
Empowerment! That’s a really good feeling, isn’t it? I’m happy for you. And you’ll still be OK even if Karl “visits” because if he does, you’ll be happy to tell him where to go. ..smiles.
Thanks! It is a good feeling, as I’m coming to realize. 🙂
I like this naming of things! And I’m so glad you ditched Karl! I’ve got a Karl of my own, and part of the richness and messiness of my life is realizing that these things can resurface. But you’ve gotten through this, and you’re stronger now for that. Best wishes for keeping Karl where he belongs!
I think we all have a Karl of some description or another, although he doesn’t always take the same form for everyone. Thanks for the good wishes, and hopefully your own Karl doesn’t drop in any time soon. 🙂
Thanks! I think I’ll call mine Winston. He moved in over the holidays, but I think I’ve managed to give him the boot, at least for now. 🙂
Good for you! And a hearty fuck off to Winston. 😉
I’m glad to hear you showed Karl the door. I refer to my bouts of depression as dealing with le bete noir, the black beast.
Having a good support group, like your spouse and kids, and other family members and friends, make a big difference. And, the right pharmaceuticals, too.
Sounds now like you’ve got the supports and skills to keep Karl at bay!
I hope so! It’s so reassuring to know that I’m not the only person to have these struggles. 🙂