I saw Bloc Party play tonight, and it reminded me that one of their songs is in my inspiration for writing playlist.
Usually the songs I post are for Callie, but this one’s all for Dane.
Fantastic show.
Category: Things That Are Awesome Page 3 of 4
Sometimes I have a confidence problem. I think that I’m not good enough, my writing isn’t good enough, that no one will ever want to read something I created. I look at all the time I’ve spent over the past seven months – hundreds of hours – and wonder if it’s all a waste of time, if I could have spent it better with family and friends, doing paid work, or hell, maybe cleaning up a bit around here.
And then something inside me, the part that made me start in the first place, that won’t let me keep this story inside my head, says who the hell cares?
Today I got this to remind me of that, in the dark moments when I wonder if I should give up.
Part of a quote from French writer Emile Zola: “If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.”
I will not be silenced by my own self-doubt. I will not live an ordinary life by failing to try to achieve what I’m capable of. I will be bold.
My tomatoes are done – 190lbs put in jars for the year in five whirlwind days.
This photo is so artfully composed. You have the empty jars. The full jars. The produce. The giant pot. The tomato splatter on the floor. It’s everything about canning all together. Courtesy my lovely husband.
A lot of canning is repetitive and doesn’t require much brain activity. Chop, peel, scoop, stir, ad infinitum. That leaves a lot of time for thinking and plotting and shaping scenes. Last night I finished my last batch and today I’m ready to write. To hell with cleaning the kitchen.
My brain apathy wasn’t lending itself to making words that fit nicely together tonight, so I decided to bang out some point-form notes on everything I wanted to have happen before writing THE END (or TO BE CONTINUED I guess, technically).
What a fantastic fucking idea that was. It’s, like, all right there. In order. And even while I was writing it out, some parts that were just vague notions – “they’ll find this thing, somewhere, somehow” turned into well-thought-out, logical scenes. There are layers. There is conflict that I hadn’t even considered. And while it’s too late tonight to get started on any new words, tomorrow when I sit down I can look at my little outline and say “BAM here’s what you’re going to write about tonight,” instead of twiddling my thumbs for twenty minutes wondering how things should progress.
And I am so excited about this. I do love the spontaneity of leaving some things to figure out as I go, but having a basic beginning-to-end map (in this case, a halfway-through-chapter-17-to-end map) to refer to is solid gold for my overfilled mind. So thank you, everyone ever who said outlining is important. Also, thank you everyone ever who said outlining isn’t important because you gave me the confidence to write 17 1/2 chapters without one and that went just fine too.
Tomorrow my fingers are going to be nimble and my brain is going to be sharp and I’m going to tackle the first of my 11 bullet points. November isn’t that far off but now I feel like I know how to get there.
I’m thinking about doing Six Sentence Sunday for the next little while. One thing I haven’t done on this blog is add any samples of what I’ve been writing. I like what I write – I really do – but I have this inferiority issue where I think that no one else will. Even though the few people I’ve shared with are all “MORE WE WANT MORE. MORE CHAPTERS. RIGHT NOW.” Well now it’s time to punch fear in its fucking face. I don’t want to spend hours sifting through my writing looking for the bits that I think are the awesomest, so I think I’ll just take six from whatever I’ve written that day. And there will be rules, because I like rules.
1. Thou shalt not receive any context. All thou shall get is six.
2. Thy own post shall be true to what I have written.
3. Wretchedness shalt not prevail shouldst thy forget to post.
4. Thy use of autopost shall be permitted in cases of grand voyages and other distractions.
5. Such a challenge as this shall inspire thy best writing lest thou giveth words of woe.
Seriously, people used to talk like that?
Stay tuned for the first edition, coming September 2.
I went away for one week. Seven days of rest, relaxation, amazing weather, a view to inspire and extra help with the kids. And as I’ve rejoiced in a previous post, I spent it writing my damn face off. Every day, from 3ish to 5:30ish I sat on a chaise longue (and I have to stop here for a moment and point out that it’s NOT pronounced shayz lownje, it’s shayz long. It’s French for long chair, not lounge chair. End rant) and wrote. And wrote. And wrote. 2,000 word minimum, sometimes over 3,000. And then sometimes I’d do a little bit more before bed too. All told, I banged out around 17,500 words, an average of 2,500 a day. Four whole chapters.
This makes me realize how much of an effect my environment has on my productivity. Yes, it definitely helps that I don’t have to spend the time in the afternoon that the kids are napping with cleaning or cooking or working at my day job, but there was so much around me to stimulate my mind and keep me motivated to write – I looked forward to sitting outside in the sun every day. I certainly don’t spend my days at home eagerly awaiting the time when I can go sit in my cold, dark basement.
Anyway, I’m beyond pleased with how much I accomplished, although I did notice that when I write quickly like that (quickly for me, anyway) I tend to leave out some details or neglect to describe things in sufficient detail in my haste to get all the words out. Nothing a night-time review session with a glass of wine can’t fix, right? Right.
So, the tally:
You may notice the slight increase in the word count goal. There’s no way in hell this story is wrapping up in 13,000 words. I’m even skeptical 43,000 will be enough… 150,000 may end up being my final count. I haven’t been attached to a particular number from the start – it’ll end when it ends, and I imagine after editing that will come down significantly anyway, since I recall reading somewhere that the goal of editing a first draft is to reduce the manuscript by 10%. Crazy to imagine finding so much to cut, but I’m sure it’s there.
After a seven-hour drive today my brain is little more than mush, so there won’t be any writing tonight, but I’m curious to find out as the week begins if I can stick to even a part of my lakeside routine. Writing outside maybe? Saying to hell with the housework (and supper prep) and writing in the afternoon? Or should I be grateful for the break and everything I managed to do, and slip back into my home routine, with fond memories of the time when I felt like I could write forever?
Way back when I first started this project, I toyed with the idea of writing some scenes out of narrative order, just as they came to me, so I could preserve them when they were fresh in my mind. Most of the time when I’m thinking about future scenes I see them as pictures in my mind, a little snippet from a movie. It’s only when I’m actually writing them, or working up to writing them, that I start to think about them in words and sentences. I tried writing one scene ahead of time in chapter two, but found it really awkward when it was time to actually fit it into the narrative. It wasn’t the same seamless transition I’m used to having when I write from beginning to end, so I kind of gave up on that idea. Until today.
For whatever reason, one of the key scenes from Book Three started coming to me in words instead of pictures this afternoon. Why, I’m not sure, but you can bet that since I won’t be getting around to even starting Three for at least a couple years, maybe longer, there was no way I was letting it slip by or trying to hold onto it in my mind until then. So now I have a new doc called Random Scenes, with a fresh 1,000 words in it. I guess time will tell if this new attempt will pay off, since I won’t get to that point for a long while, but it was a positive experience today, getting it all down and out of my head while I had it locked down. If it happens again, I’ll probably do the same thing. I even included what might amount to a brief outline beforehand, explaining what happens immediately before and after the scene I wrote, so I know where in the narrative it fits.
Honestly I think I’m moving closer and closer to making an actual outline, to get rid of some of the confusion I have over what happens when. There are all these mini-movie scenes floating around in my head, but I keep moving them around and I’m not sure where they all fit in relation to each other, sometimes. Maybe once I’m finished One, while I give myself a bit of a break before I start editing my first draft, I’ll take some time to nail down a really solid outline. In the meantime I have an Ideas doc for when bits of dialogue and stray thoughts need to be recorded, and this more formal future scenes doc for when I want to actually write them out in full detail.
Incidentally the one I wrote today is a real turning point for the entire story as a whole. Something major changes in Callie, something that sets her off in a completely new direction from that point forward. It needs some work – it’s a dark point and I want to make it even darker than it already is – but the bones are there, the basic structure, which I can hopefully build on, and with my before-and-after notes, I should be able to fit it into the rest of the story nicely once I get to that point. My previous issue with the scene in chapter two, I think, was that I wrote the orphan scene first, then wrote the before and after, then tried to cram the orphan in between them. I think next time if I stop after the before (this is going to get convoluted here), paste the orphan in, then write the after, the transitions will be a lot smoother. At least that’s what I hope. I’ll report back in 2015 or something with an update.
And I’m still writing up a storm on my vacation. I’m on track to have 15-16,000 words written by the time I go home in two days. I hadn’t really set a firm goal beforehand, but I’d thrown the number 10,000 around in my head as something I’d be thrilled to accomplish. Who knew I’d be so motivated, so inspired and so full of fresh ideas? Every other time I’ve tried to write on a non-writing-retreat holiday has always come up as an abject failure. I wonder now if this is my new routine, my new normal that I can maintain once I’m back into the swing of things at home, or a short-lived burst of productivity? Time will tell, I guess. All I know is I have a seven-hour drive ahead of me, and driving always stirs up all kinds of interesting things inside my head.
Well, I’ve found the place I should move to and become a full-time writer. Three days into a one-week vacation, I’ve written 6,500 words in about an hour and a half each day, and all of it I really, really like. I sit out on the deck and gaze out over the lake, watch the bald eagles fly by and soak up the sun, and my brain, free from all the distractions of home, gets to writing like a house on fire. I think if I could live here full-time (with the added benefit of family to babysit) I could write four times as fast as I’m used to, and better quality, to boot. I’m definitely going to see if I can find a way to come back here when it’s time to revise my first draft. It’s so easy to be happy and well-rested and stress-free here.
I’m about to reach a point where I’m not quite sure what exactly comes next, which I’m actually not dreading for once, because I want to see what my relaxed and unencumbered mind comes up with to fill that gap. And while I often listen to music while I write, and always when I’m looking for inspiration, I haven’t been this week, and the ideas are still flowing. Maybe the change of stimulation has made me look at things in a different way? I’m also finally starting to feel like I’m moving closer to the climax. I’m not nearly there yet, but I’d say I’m entering into the last third. Which, seeing as how I’m at almost 77,000 words, is probably a really good thing.
A friend just brought up the Myers-Briggs test in a conversation online, and, while I’ve done the test before, it’s been awhile since I’ve read the definition of my type. I’m an INFP – Introversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception. I’ve always tested fairly extreme in each of those categories. Looking at the Wikipedia page and its definition of INFPs, one description stands out to me:
INFPs are creative types and often have a gift for language. As introverts, they may prefer to express themselves through writing. Their dominant Feeling drives their desire to communicate, while their auxiliary intuition supplies the imagination. Having a talent for symbolism, they enjoy metaphors and similes.
So there you go. I’m hard-wired to be a writer or something. And it looks like I’m in very good company too. (seriously, Orwell, Poe, Lee, Rowling, Lovecraft, Shakespeare?) (Ignore Nicolas Cage and the sparkly vampire guy).
I still believe it’s something I work hard at. I certainly wasn’t born great, or even good, and I’ve put in hundreds and hundreds of hours over the years to learn and improve. But it’s cool to know that my aptitude for writing seems to be personality-based, and that there’s a reason why I spend half my waking hours building castles in the sky, and the other half trying to record them.
As a rule, I try to avoid reading how-to or theory books, because I prefer to follow my own instincts and find my own way in life. Too much reading on a subject – let’s say parenting, which my life mostly revolves around these days – only leads to eventual conflicting information and viewpoints, and a whole hell of a lot of confusion and second-guessing oneself. At least it does for me. The authors of these types of books don’t know me or my family and our specific circumstances, so I feel they aren’t qualified to dictate how we do things. If I’m looking for advice I’d much rather turn to friends who do know me, and may have been in similar circumstances. In this respect I am wealthy indeed, because I have a wonderful community of supportive friends.
Same goes for writing. I figure I can muddle my way through better on my own because I’m the one who’s most familiar with the particular mechanisms of my brain and how it likes to develop a process for writing. I did buy one book to help me outline and flesh out the basics, Ready, Set, Novel, which I started with the best of intentions, and is now gathering dust on the shelf. I’m the sort of person who doesn’t get to know what her characters are all about until she starts writing them, and I found it impossible to fill out before I’d begun my story. Someday, I may get back to it and finish filling it out now that I know more about these people.
Other than that and my copy of CP Style which I’ve had since the early 2000s and my j-school days, that’s it for writing assistance. In this instance I’m not against it, but I don’t want to fill my head with all kinds of how-to information and have that drown out my own creative process. When I find all the things wrong with the manuscript when I’m done – and I know there are many at this point – that’s where I can turn to experts to help me solve those problems.
I suppose I can do that with my kids as well – when they’re in therapy three times a week I can read all kinds of child psychology and development books and find out where I went off the rails. However I imagine kids are a lot harder to edit than first drafts. Oh well.
Anyway, I read this interview on Terribleminds and immediately thought, this is the sort of book I could find useful, here and now. And today my copy of Wired for Story by Lisa Cron came in the mail.
Blowing.
My.
Mind.
I’m only a few chapters in and I’m already seeing so much that I could stand to improve, but also what I’m really nailing (admittedly a lot of the latter I wasn’t even aware I was doing, which either makes me unconsciously awesome or one lucky biotch). I want to make notes, highlight things, create charts, maybe even (gasp!) an outline (don’t hold your breath there, it still wigs me out a lot).
Anyway, I’m really into this book. I like how it’s based in science instead of opinion, because I can get behind science. Science makes sense. And the rest of the chapters, based on my totally superficial evaluation of their titles, look like they’re going to be awesome too. So while I probably won’t be writing any new material for the next couple of days, my time spent reading will (hopefully) help me to reach a point where when I do start up again, it will be with a clearer focus on my goals and what I need to include in order to make the story the best it can be.
Can’t wait!